i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
