I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
