eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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