remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
