tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
