Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
