I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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