I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
