why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
