She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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