She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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