i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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