He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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