This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am in a vortex of obligation.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
