YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
