I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Help. Why am I so naked?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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