But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
tell me about the eggs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
