what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
