dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
