some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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