There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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