Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
