there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
