just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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