Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She bit a glass in half.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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