hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
