Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
