she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize