in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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