So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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