somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
