He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When are your genitals available?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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