I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize