I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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