youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
