He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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