Moan for me like Helen Keller
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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