I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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