Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
