can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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