I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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