Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
