It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
