ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
