i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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