***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
