We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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