WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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