billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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