In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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