I smell stomach acid.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
