i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
