yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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