So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
