he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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