ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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