i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
