I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
