Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i've created a new STD.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sext me about skeletons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
