1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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