My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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