noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
