You just made me feel so damn special
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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